Sue’s lost her job, again…
Sue is feeling sad and low and life is pretty bad. She’s had to leave another job due to having yet another argument with her boss where she told him she disagreed with how he ran the office. This is not the first time she has had to leave a job in this way – ‘why does this always happen to me ?’ she thinks.
She is identifying as the victim here and casting the boss in the role of the persecutor. Although we can also get a sense that when arguing with her boss about how things should be done, she probably was taking the self-righteous persecutor role of telling him how to do it.
Tom has heard of her current troubles and offers to help. He spends time talking about it with her over cups of coffee, gives her some wise advice, loans her money, brings round meals for her to eat, and looks for new jobs for her. He has adopted the rescuer role.
This goes on for some time, but Sue doesn’t take any action on the opportunities Tom provides instead she gives lots of reason why nothing will work. One day Tom mentions in passing that he thinks it would help if she took a small step to make some changes. Sue tells him how outraged she is that he has stopped being kind and is now forcing his opinion on her and judging her for not moving forwards – clearly he doesn’t understand how difficult it is and doesn’t truly care about her. She has now cast him in the role of perpetrator. She thinks to herself I knew this would happen – this happens all the time, you just can’t trust people – why do I always end up with friends who are fake friends? She is in victim role.
Tom is surprised by this response he feels hurt as he’s really worked hard to try and help Sue, he feels he’s been there for her, taking the time and this is the thanks he gets. He’s been here before – why is it he gives out to people and they treat him like this? He has now moved into victim role, and he may now stop talking to Sue as he feels hurt by her. This leaves Sue feeling abandoned, something she’s experienced many times before, which supports her sense of being victim. Tom may stay in victim role or he may move to perpetrator role when he gives Sue a piece of his mind and starts to judge and criticise her for the way she has treated him.